Another Mother’s Day has come and gone, and a few days prior I had the wonderful opportunity to meet an old high school girlfriend who is also a pastor’s wife. The evening was by far one big lesson from God to appreciate what he’s given me, not dwell on what I’ve lost, and learn from all the mistakes I’ve made. She pointedly asked me, “Do you give yourself Grace as a mom?” What kind of question is that? Why on earth would I give myself grace after all the stupid mistakes I’ve made…it’s hard even asking God for Grace. An in that lies the ‘LIE’. We all deserve and can receive Gods Grace, but do we give ourselves any? You know…the free, unmerited favor to forgive yourself – cut yourself some slack. No? Maybe a few of you just mumbled…’sort of’, or ‘maybe sometimes’? I never did until recently.
I’m now a divorced, single mom of 4 (two at home) at the age of 48. Not exactly what I aspired to be as a young girl at all lol. Still, I’m trying to find my way through this new life and figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life, all the while trying to keep God in the center, but I fail at that most days too. I was very hard on myself at first – taking on more than my share of guilt for a broken marriage even though there was equally fault on both sides. My kids went through H-E-double-hockey-sticks for the first year for sure. I can say after 2 1/2 years, it’s getting better day by day, but I certainly didn’t start off allowing myself any room for Grace. None as a matter of fact – at any point.
My journey as a mom began 26 years ago. I delivered my first-born in Germany, alone (outside of my husband) and scared to death. About 4 1/2 years later, came another son. Boom. We were a family of four. I was never able to be a full-time stay-home mom except for a short time with my baby girl years later, but mostly it suited me and I have always loved to work too – it’s in my DNA. My family was healthy and happy though, so that’s what mattered! Yes, I still did all the mom things. I was at every pee-wee football game, made cookies for the class on their birthdays, did all the messy crafts at home with them, spent hours and hours making ‘abstract’ sculptures out of Play-Dough (and fondant) at the kitchen table, and stepped on A LOT of star wars figurines and Legos over the years. OUCH!