A few of my coworkers and friends are really into running. Marathons, 5Ks, 10Ks, running for sport, running for a cause, running for…get this…FUN! Ha! I was recently asked if I was a runner and I laughed out loud! My response? Well, first of all…the sport of running has always baffled me, however I have learned that it’s considered the world’s most accessible sport. I’m guessing that’s because anyone can do it, but I beg to differ! Whoever gave it that definition did NOT wear a DD bra, let me tell you! Even if I tried to run…the ‘girls’ would literally bounce up with such sheer force that I would probably be knocked out cold. No, the only running I’m good at is when I run into the audience of a fundraising event to collect the bid sheet from someone who has just purchased a really big auction item. So basically…I run for money! That said, I do admire those who choose to run and say, ‘more power to you’!
Now I know what you’re thinking…just wear a sports bra right? Yeah…think again. Those are an even BIGGER farce for those of us whom God has well-endowed. I’ve yet to find a sports bra that will hold the girls in place long enough to run down to the mailbox and back! Running is a total marketing racket too. There’s the fancy low-profile shoes, making you believe that running on paper-thin shoe soles is actually better for you! And don’t get me started on the running ‘attire’ for cold and hot weather…there are running SOCKS, hats, wristbands, compression shorts…now that one makes me laugh. Compression shorts? So what I’m supposed to run while my shorts compress my waist, which in turn restricts what little air I have flowing through my lungs? NOT going to happen!
Then why do I blog about running, you ask? Well, I have the unique opportunity next month to run in my very first 5k to support my favorite local university. My company sponsors it and I really want to be a part of it, but surely by now you can understand my apprehension. Do I run, walk, or simply get out-of-the-way before others mow me over? The 5k is s called the ‘Jingle Bell Run’, and right now the only clear benefit I can foresee in participating (besides the obvious support of the school), is to cross to the finish line so I can enjoy a hot cup of cider or cocoa, enjoy a Christmas cookie treat, see the Christmas tree, and have a picture taken with my GFs and SANTA. How can I pass that up? Wait for it…the BEST part? I get to dress up! Maybe I’ll be a Christmas Elf – that’s what my boss affectionately calls me during the holiday season, so it seems to fit.
Watch out SMU! This Christmas Elf may take out a few of your local wildlife in the process, but I plan on being there to support the cause, enjoy a fun morning run (okay fine…a briskly paced stroll) with my girlfriends, and hopefully my daughter will come along for the fun too. Thus, I shall kick off my favorite holiday season doubled over and writhing in pain…woohoo! Sign me UP!